Sunday, April 19, 2009

blue funk

it's here. it's now, and it's real.
i wait all week to come home, to be free and have fun, just LIVE a little after a week, and i get home and it's worse than being alone and miserable. it's ridiculous. i just don't get it. i don't know why i'm so mentally unstable. i'm sitting here crying, tyler is doing his best to help, but it's really not working. i hate being in mesa alone, but now it's like, i don't know what i am going to do after i have to come back here. my brother is mean, my parents are being weird, mom is drinking, so i'm frustrated by that. i just don't know what to think. i wake up and i'm so tired. i never feel like i have slept enough to last a whole day. and usually i sleep sometime during the day. and that NEVER happened before. nothing gives me any sort of pleasure at all right now, or happiness. i can't focus on school and my projects, and this is the end of the semester. the most important few weeks. but i can't even do my projects or anything. i can't handle it all. i don't know what to do...honestly. and any other time i would go home tomorrow morning, but i'm going home tonight after laundry is done, because i can't handle this much longer.


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